Los Angeles, CA
The shooting of the cult favorite “Weekend At Bernie’s” latest installment: “Dead Set To Party” is being placed on hold after football coach Jim Caldwell was hired by the Detroit Lions.
Caldwell, known for his role in coaching the Indianapolis Colts to a couple of great regular seasons before self-combusting in the playoffs, was set to play Bernie in this upcoming summer romp.
“Jim had everything we were looking for regarding the Bernie role,” said acclaimed director Ron Howard. “He looked confused, rarely spoke and sometimes you had to question whether he was even alive.”
Casting director Jennifer Lee agreed, “In the audition he literally didn’t say a word. Even when we asked for his name he just stared blankly in to the camera. I think he may have drooled a little too. He was perfect!”
While this isn’t the first time a lead actor dropped out of a movie so close to filming, it certainly was surprising.
“The way Jim coached in Indy, and then recently in Baltimore as a QB coach we all thought his career was coming to an end,” said an unnamed league GM.
The movie will resume shooting once they find a replacement for Caldwell but those involved aren’t optimistic. Howard explained, “If you think anybody can just play a dead guy you’re out of your mind. Sure we can all close our eyes and fake sleep but Jim had the ability to have things thrown at his head without flinching. We even told him his whole family had been kidnapped and he didn’t even bat an eye. That’s talent.”
The movie’s main characters Larry and Richard are still set to be played by Owen Wilson and Aziz Ansari. For their part they have taken the news in stride. “Look, you want to comb my hair, call me Baba Ganoush and then tuck me in at night, fine. I’m A-OK my man,” said Wilson in a soft Southern twang.
Ansari agreed and then proceeded to list all the things he could do instead of shoot this movie in a very loud voice: “Go to the mall, eat some ice cream, test drive a Benz, buy a Benz, go on a date, ride a giraffe, name the giraffe Larry and then challenge people to some two on two basketball against me and my best friend Larry!”
With all the uncertainty swirling one thing is for sure, the script will not be re-written. “We have the perfect story here for an outstanding movie,” said studio executive Dean Parner. “’Dead Set to Party’ combines everything we love as a society; the beach, drinking, great looking people and making fun of dead people.”